Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Just a little bit more faith and a tougher heart

My tissue biopsy results were released yesterday.

While the hubby was looking forward to hearing my doctor deliver a positive note, I had a nagging feeling at the back of my mind that it might not be as pretty as we would like it to be. To be on the safe side, I prepared myself for the worse.

Turns out, my instinct was correct.

The tumor is malignant. But unlike the time when my doctor told me my left breast had to be taken out, this one did not shock me anymore. I guess my preparation paid off after all.

So while we discuss the further actions that we need to take in order to prevent or maybe combat the worse that's yet to come, my mind floated to the confines of our bedroom where our little Maia spends most of her time playing, cooing and giggling. My heart felt like it's being crumpled to pieces. Surprisingly though, I never shed a tear. The lady who used to be a crybaby did not shed a single tear! I guess, this whole experience is indeed starting to toughen me up.

Now, in the next two weeks or so...I will undergo more testing just to ensure that the malignant 'cells' (i don't know if that's even the correct term for it) has metastasized to my lungs and liver. But now, I feel there's a light at the end of the tunnel. God seems to be telling me to hold on a little longer and keep the faith going. The should be an end to all of this.

As we leave my doctor's clinic, I took the hubby's hand and squeezed it reassuringly. We will get through this.

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