Hope and Prayers

Hope and Prayers. These and the love of family and friends kept me going everyday.

Yesterday, I was again filled with anxiety as I opened the folder that contained the results of my CT Scans. My hands were trembling but I'd rather see it then and there than wait for my doctor to announce the bad news if there is. I scanned the document for a few seconds and decided to sit down so I can clearly grasp every word that's written on this precious document. First few paragraphs had a lot of medical jargon written on them but I understood what they said.

My heart leaped after I saw the words clear and unremarkable. My lungs and liver are clear! Woooo-hoooo!!!! I wanted to ran back home and hug Maia. But then, I immediately gathered my composure since it's never going to be final unless my doctor says it. It has to come from her.

When I reached the clinic, I cannot hide the smile on my face. She asked me if I've seen the results. I said yes. "So how was it?" I said my understanding is that I'm clear. "Ok. Let's take a look" So one by one she took out the films. By the time she's done with the last film, she also had a grin on her face. I was soooo happy. Then she just said..."that's it. So far we're okay. You can relax now. Basta just to don't be lazy to see me regularly ha? Don't be like the others, they disappear after sometime." I just nodded my head. Of course I will be there. I will not miss any of my appointments. I will remain a very good and obedient patient (hehe).

Getting the scans done was not easy for me. It was one of the most painful procedures I've gone through besides the surgery (but then I was asleep so this is still the winner) in this lifetime. The scanning procedure itself was just easy breezy. What was painful was I had to be injected with 50cc of IV contrast (iodine solution one of the nurses said) so the technicians can get a clearer picture of my organs. My veins were however too tiny and too narrow to handle the instant injection that for a minute, I felt like my arm was going to explode. I was not allowed to move so I can only cry out in pain. After that my body felt like hot water was being poured over it. In a few seconds it was replaced but a cold sensation. All these I guess was so stressful for my body that I was not able to stop myself from throwing up. I'm a nightmare for nurses. Haha. But all that felt like nothing now...the sacrifice was worth it... the scans are clear that's all that matters.

Again, thank you to YOU who never forgets to include me in your everyday prayers. Thank you to YOU who never failed to cheer me up when I am on the verge of giving up. You are right. God is Good.

I know I'm still not safe from this monster. Cancer is still cancer. But I will continue to fight. I will continue to stay positive that eventually, somebody will come up with a cure for this disease that I have. For now, I have the optimistic attitude, the lifestyle change (go organic! gulay na lang!), the diligence for my monthly check ups and all your prayers as my weapons. I believe these should be enough get me through this storm.