Friday, March 13, 2009

Coping and Surviving

I was back at my doctor's clinic yesterday for a routine check up and to submit my mammogram and sonogram results. Although 4 more nodules were detected on my left breast, my doctor agreed with the radiologist that they were not a cause for alarm and that I should not let them worry me.

Earlier while I was still waiting for Dra. Cruz to come back from a series of surgeries, I was lucky to meet another cancer survivor and unlike the last encounter I had Helen was the one who showed interest to hear my cancer experience. She showed real concern knowing I'm only 30 and just had a baby. But at the same time, I felt a sudden jolt of inspiration seeing how positive she is. She did not look like she just recently went through 6 sessions of chemotherapy. She just so full of life that I realized I am going to win this battle.

It's been two months since my surgery and I am starting to feel like things are back to normal. The hubby and I are now able to put all the worries behind and genuinely enjoy our moments with Maia.Sometimes, on really good days, I tend to forget the challenges that we went through at the beginning of the year. We're starting to laugh a lot more often - laughter that has more depth.

I can only hope that this situation at home remains like that forever. But of course I will have to be realistic. Thoughts of recurrence and mets will probably linger. One thing I've proven from all these is that with family support, it is easier to face a cancer diagnosis. With that I am very, very grateful.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Revisiting Forgotten Memories

I was re-reading my journal this morning and found this entry. I wrote this last year when we still did not have internet connection at home. I kept a journal then - I needed some place to store my thoughts in. And some place to practice my writing each time the inspiration hits me. Anyways, before I digress any further here's a snippet of that journal entry I made on July 17th last year. I was about 24 weeks pregnant then. And the Hubby and I had that weekend ritual of starting our day with a round of music from the past. That day, sort of blasted me off to my last few years in college. I immediately got my journal and started writing.


While enjoying breakfast today, the Hubby played an old CD that brought torrential flashes of memories back. Memories of time spent in UP. Those were pretty good ones. I hope someday my daughter will have something as good as those to go back to from time to time.

I recall Friday nights spent at our apartment with the girls. We'd sit at our bare living room and giddily await Dawson's Creek on TV. Yes. You read it right. We were crazy over Pacey and Joey back then. But I guess looking back now, it was not the memory of the TV show that brings a smile to my face but the memories of quality time spent with great friends.

These girls were witnesses to a lot of things going on then. Going home past curfew time, they would stay up and help me get in. Coming home from 48-hour vigils over numerous case studies and feeling really depressed and really exhausted, somebody's always there to listen to my ranting or just keep me company.

Now, we all live all over the world but I guess that foundation that we had before kept us really bonded that even till now we always try to reach out and remain updated with each other's lives. But today, I just miss the company of the girls. I wish everybody's just a call away.


Fast forward to year 2009, there's still the three of us who made Luzon as our homebase but since all of us are now living busy lives, a get together is extremely difficult to organize. But then one of our housemates came home from the US, we eventually ran of excuses and finally found time to meet up for lunch. I almost forgot how much fun I shared with these girls. Fact is, it was mostly them who kept me sane. Thanks girls for making me feel young and vibrant again! haha...I wish we can do this again. I can barely recall the last time I laughed this hard.