If I can get away with it, I will choose to rid of all the drama.
But I don't think life has offered me that as an option. It was always either about learning to dodge them or making it through them.
I've always made it through. But that does not always go to show that I chose to fight to make it thru. It always just seem to happen that I get the extra energy boost at that point when I feel like letting go and giving up. I always end up prouder of myself though. And probably that is why somehow someone up there took upon himself to send me the extra boost to make it thru. He wants me to feel triumphant after every drama. He wants me to savor that moment. He wants me to count my blessings.
So everyday, I end up counting and counting. Yes, I am blessed after all. Always am.
I've taken a hiatus far too long from writing. And I miss it so much.
I hope to be back on my feet from this day on.
Early this week I had a light bulb moment. And I'm hoping to make that light bulb moment translate into something more realistic soon.
But for now, please bear with bulleted updates of my boring life. That I will try to do at least weekly if that would help me get back into writing mode.
Health-wise I've just gotten over my beginning of the year C-blues and I'm hoping the last few bits of them are finally gone. It seems like I always begin the year with a cancer scare. I hope next year it will be different. For now, I end this short welcome post for me with a very grateful tone. Being around to welcome the new year is always a good sign for me. Knowing that I still have a full year to make things right and make good, wonderful memories with people I love makes me feel very, very grateful. :)
I woke up feeling a little woozy. I would like to think that this was because I was overworked the other day and went home around 9pm already. For the past few months now, my eyes have been sending me signals of how abusive I have been of them. I've always taken for granted my eyes. And many times, I've thought of stopping on some eye center to have them checked but I always tend to forget the last minute. Anyways, my point is there are days when everything just seem blurry and the nausea just intensifies. I just close my eyes and it goes away.
My doctor told me another reason why I've been feeling nauseous is because I've been spending nights and nights and nights thinking too much of things that are still too early to worry on at this point. But I can't help it. Can you blame me?
Last week, I wanted to shut myself out from the world. This week, I've improved a little. I started talking to the hubby already. The burden lightened a bit. But the worry didn't go away.
Tomorrow, Thursday I will take that test again. And I can almost picture what I will see. I am ready. But again, if it turns out to be the thing that I worry the most these days I would like to be happy. I really do. I hope I will be.
Dear God, I already lifted everything up to you. I know you will take care of us. You always do.
We bought this poinsettia plant a week before I delivered Maia. Its leaves exuded a very healthy shade of red that despite Tibs’ dislike for uncomfortable travel he ended up hauling the whole pot home to Cavite even while commuting.
Those leaves remained red till we celebrated our first holidays with our little bundle of joy. The leaves seemed to be one with us in our happiness. Then Tibs got drowned in endless sleepless nights and busy weekends and totally forgot the plant needs extra care to retain the red leaves all through out.
Last Christmas, we kept waiting for the red leaves to come out. But they never did. We finally realized the plant was probably still recuperating and it might take a longer period for it to gain back the nutrition it lost. We half expected it to wilt away since it’s been exposed to harsh weather but it hung on. We are still thankful that it’s still alive sans the red leaves.
Fast-forward to today, I almost forgot we have this plant with us. It sort of found solace among other plants that obscured it from plain view. I just saw it again later today while Maia and I were exploring the other plants in Tibs' garden. Maia loves to play with insects and pick flowers from her Dad’s garden and would sometimes wiggle her way into the hidden plants. That’s how I found this tiny struggling poinsettia plant.
As if on queue a question suddenly popped in my mind. The same question that’s been bothering me on and off for almost a week now. "Will I ever see this plant’s leave turn red again?" A voice inside me seemed to be shouting, OF COURSE you will! This plant fought to stay alive, you should too!
Tomorrow, my oncologist will deliver what could be one of the most important news we will ever hear in this lifetime. And we can only pray fervently that it’s THAT news that we have been hoping to hear.
I really should stop giving in to temptation. Especially when it comes to things that I've sworn out of. Last weekend, I told Tibs that was the last gourmet coffee I will ever drink in this lifetime. I ate those words tonight. And now, I'm still awake at 2am.
I remember Mommy's first advice when we got home from the hospital last January 17th. That I should from that day on, get use to sleeping as early at 7/8pm. I should make sure I get my body's 8-hour sleep requirement. I thought that was pretty easy. Who doesn't like sleeping after all?
But then again, I always am ahead of myself. I tend to 'overestimate' my capabilities. Haha. The first thing I forgot then was I had a baby to take care of. So that 7/8 pm bedtime never came.
Today is a wake up call though. I realized that 11 months after Mommy gave that advice, my bedtime is pushing a bit later and later and later....
Starting tomorrow, I will be more cautious of my sleep schedule. That's now #1 on my new year's resolution.
Good night, errrr good morning everyone. Hope you all have a great weekend.
