Weathering Storms

When one is forced to face storms? Is there an effective way of weathering it through?

In the past 30 years, I have had my share of stormy times already. But I guess, the worst storm that I've ever been through was my stormy battle with cancer. I used to dread saying it. But now, I learned to live with it. It doesn't scare me anymore. I know there's still so much hope out there for me.

What gave me the change of heart?

After my surgery I was scheduled for 6 consecutive weekly visits to my surgeon for follow up check. I went home with my Jackson Pratt drain after all and the surgeon has to monitor that. It was on the 2nd week that I was told my pathology results revealed that my breast tumor was malignant.

Anyways, it was on my last visit that I met this fellow patient named Helen. She had this wonderful aura around her and she was so cheery it felt contagious. Soon I was joining her chat with our surgeon's receptionist.

It wasn't long after when she sad down beside me and asked me what my story is. And I obliged. I just felt an instant connection I had no qualms sharing a personal story with her. She patiently listened. And when I was finished, she immediately share her own cancer story. That's when I learned that she was recenlty diagnosed with breast cancer and have just had bilateral radical mastectomies. When I chanced upon her on the clinic that day, she has gotten through 6 sessions of chemotherapy. She was back at the clinic that day to pick up her bone scan results. She happily shared the results were good. And that she won't be coming back to the clinic anymore for the next 6 months. Such a relief she says. But she adds, there are still days when she wakes up and remembers the hell that she's recently been through and can't help but cry for a bit. But she says she's just glad to put that all behind. Because life is still good after all. And we still have a role to play in the world of the living.

Isn't that so inspiring to hear? This was after all coming from a 39-year old single lady who still had so much coming for her. I may be only 30 but God was good enough to give me Maia before tragedy struck. I felt I have every reason to stay happy and positive. But her...well...she found her purpose by sharing inspiring stories to cancer patients like her. By giving them a boost of positive energy to weather their battle.

Thinking of people like Helen...makes me appreciate life everyday.

Coping and Surviving

I was back at my doctor's clinic yesterday for a routine check up and to submit my mammogram and sonogram results. Although 4 more nodules were detected on my left breast, my doctor agreed with the radiologist that they were not a cause for alarm and that I should not let them worry me.

Earlier while I was still waiting for Dra. Cruz to come back from a series of surgeries, I was lucky to meet another cancer survivor and unlike the last encounter I had Helen was the one who showed interest to hear my cancer experience. She showed real concern knowing I'm only 30 and just had a baby. But at the same time, I felt a sudden jolt of inspiration seeing how positive she is. She did not look like she just recently went through 6 sessions of chemotherapy. She just so full of life that I realized I am going to win this battle.

It's been two months since my surgery and I am starting to feel like things are back to normal. The hubby and I are now able to put all the worries behind and genuinely enjoy our moments with Maia.Sometimes, on really good days, I tend to forget the challenges that we went through at the beginning of the year. We're starting to laugh a lot more often - laughter that has more depth.

I can only hope that this situation at home remains like that forever. But of course I will have to be realistic. Thoughts of recurrence and mets will probably linger. One thing I've proven from all these is that with family support, it is easier to face a cancer diagnosis. With that I am very, very grateful.

Revisiting Forgotten Memories

I was re-reading my journal this morning and found this entry. I wrote this last year when we still did not have internet connection at home. I kept a journal then - I needed some place to store my thoughts in. And some place to practice my writing each time the inspiration hits me. Anyways, before I digress any further here's a snippet of that journal entry I made on July 17th last year. I was about 24 weeks pregnant then. And the Hubby and I had that weekend ritual of starting our day with a round of music from the past. That day, sort of blasted me off to my last few years in college. I immediately got my journal and started writing.

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While enjoying breakfast today, the Hubby played an old CD that brought torrential flashes of memories back. Memories of time spent in UP. Those were pretty good ones. I hope someday my daughter will have something as good as those to go back to from time to time.

I recall Friday nights spent at our apartment with the girls. We'd sit at our bare living room and giddily await Dawson's Creek on TV. Yes. You read it right. We were crazy over Pacey and Joey back then. But I guess looking back now, it was not the memory of the TV show that brings a smile to my face but the memories of quality time spent with great friends.

These girls were witnesses to a lot of things going on then. Going home past curfew time, they would stay up and help me get in. Coming home from 48-hour vigils over numerous case studies and feeling really depressed and really exhausted, somebody's always there to listen to my ranting or just keep me company.

Now, we all live all over the world but I guess that foundation that we had before kept us really bonded that even till now we always try to reach out and remain updated with each other's lives. But today, I just miss the company of the girls. I wish everybody's just a call away.

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Fast forward to year 2009, there's still the three of us who made Luzon as our homebase but since all of us are now living busy lives, a get together is extremely difficult to organize. But then one of our housemates came home from the US, we eventually ran of excuses and finally found time to meet up for lunch. I almost forgot how much fun I shared with these girls. Fact is, it was mostly them who kept me sane. Thanks girls for making me feel young and vibrant again! haha...I wish we can do this again. I can barely recall the last time I laughed this hard.

Celebrating the 4th on February

Maia turned four months on the 18th. And it was 4 weeks since my operation on valentine's day itself. There is so much to thank for in this past few weeks.

One of them are the Maia's little milestones that we get to witness when we're at home. It's sheer happiness for the hubby and me! :)To date, she so graceful at this already. i can't wait for the time when she calls 'Mommy' for the first time. I do hope I'm home to hear that!

A weekend family affair

We went up to Tagaytay this weekend. I tried to recall when was the last time that we were here and realized that it was during our wedding. That was over a year ago. We haven't been back since then. We promised ourselves we will be back there for our first wedding anniversary since the hubby and I used to love going here but my delicate pregnancy did not allow us to do that.

A lot has changed since then. I counted and there were almost about 10 hotels along the highway that sprouted since our last visit. That alone made me feel like we missed so much. But that was only for a while. I secretly said a prayer of thanks after that. I told myself I should be thinking of how lucky we were to finally get the opportunity to go up there again...this time with our little angel Maia.

The purpose of our trip was to actually to pay the Pink Sisters a visit. I've made several trips there in the past years to ask for prayers for my friends. All of my requests then were granted. Now, I am up there again...this time to ask for personal favors. Unlike my previous visits, we were lucky to see the sisters this time. That made me very hopeful. My prayer request will be heard.

After spending about an hour at the chapel...we headed to the Mahogany market to buy fresh fruits and vegetables. My sister and I enjoyed going through stalls and stalls of fresh goodies. When we were done with the marketing, we decided to grab some snacks before heading home. Since I officially scratched out red meat in our diet, my Tinang (short for Tita Ninang) suggested we eat at the Mushroomburger joint. Food was cheap but very filling.

I am glad we had this opportunity today. I do hope we'll have more trips with Maia in the coming years.